shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
