I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
