i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
