I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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