I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
