I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How does one acquire holy water?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
