Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
