i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
