Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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