hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
