the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
