New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
