he puts the penis in happiness.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
