I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it glows. i had to have it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
