All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
