I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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