im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
