Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
