I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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