What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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