I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
