I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
