God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
