My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
