Already got asked if we're dating
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
