I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
