I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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