life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
