wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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