Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
