He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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