I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
