I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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