I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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