That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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