i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
