I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
