Ambien. No doubt about it.
Say something about gay babies.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
