He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
