There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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