No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
