She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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