i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
