My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
