I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
