My balls are so social today.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
