We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
