It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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