I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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