O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
