i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
