Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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