Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
