My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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