I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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