dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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