..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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