No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you had me at cake vodka
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
