cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
