I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
