he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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