Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
