That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
vagina is talking i cant
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
