After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize