Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
