We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
